Opening Up

fear4

A lot of my life is characterized by fear. Sometimes I have a hard time sleeping because my mind can creatively  wander through the most horrible “what if” scenarios. Do you know what I mean? It starts out perhaps as even a good thought, “I love my husband,” a happy thought. Then, “I’m so glad we have each other,” still happy. “What would I do without him?” Uh oh. “What if he died??” here we go. Then here’s where it gets really out of control…”What if his plane crashes next week but they can’t identify the bodies so they call me into a morgue and…” You see? Bad. Creatively bad.

I don’t want fear to hold me back in life. And I don’t want my fear to hold those I love back either. That is how fear works isn’t it? It holds you back and because you can see no clear way around it you stay where you are. But fear is so tricky because it doesn’t just affect you. It affects everyone around you. You begin to put your own fears on the shoulders of others and suddenly they begin to fear the same thing you do.

This has been on my mind because last week my husband got on a plane for Ukraine. If you are unaware of whats happening in Ukraine, let me sum it up for you: Russia and Ukraine are in a fight. And you don’t fight with Russia. You lose with Russia. As Tyson’s grandmother so eloquently put it, “Putin’s a weasel.” (If you want a more accurate description of the conflict, read the New York Times). Tyson and the whole documentary crew booked these flights before all of this began and everything has escalated so very quickly. So you can see how my creatively fearful mind could take this and run with it. But I felt that I had a choice here. I could be the wife that begs and pleads with him to not go, to think instead of me, to stay home where its  safe, to wait until the conflict is over etc. Or I could be a woman who put myself aside and instead thought about the big picture. The big picture is that my husband and friends are dedicated to a story that needs to be told. There are people in desperate situations; children, women, and orphans who need someone to tell their story. And that thought instantly shattered my fears. I believe in the work that my husband does and I believe that I have an important role; to support him, to move my fear aside so that others can benefit.

This is something I know I will have to do again and again as different fears come up in life. See the big picture and move my fear aside so that something greater can take place instead.

 

*to find out more about the story they are filming click here

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